2x11: Beginnings (transcript)

Cold open 

N: The truth is that I stopped believing anything could ever change. 

N: That’s always what we do, isn’t it? I’m not special. Never was. We get into it, whatever “it” is, and we settle. We sink. We let it rise up around us and pull us down, and it’s awful but it’s also somehow soft and comfortable because we know it, we know all its parameters, it’s familiar and for that reason we trust it more than we trust change. 

N: So we don’t change. And it changes. And after a while we stop wanting it to. 

N: But that’s under the surface. Above it, what it comes down to is belief, and we stop believing that change is possible, because then we feel better about giving up. 

N: I worked real fucking hard all my life to not give up. 

N: And I didn’t. I did hard shit, shit that’s killed people. I got away from home and everything that was there. I stopped believing that God hated me and then I stopped worrying about God at all. I found someone I loved. Family. I got a job, or a series of job-shaped objects. I got into therapy and I got on medication. I got a life and it was mine and for a while I lived it, and I thought everything was fine. 

N: Because that’s what we tell ourselves. It’s all fine. 

N: It wasn’t. It wasn’t fine. But there was a lot… there was so much that was good. 

N: I stopped believing anything could change, until everything did.

N: I survived that. I did what I had to do. Didn’t matter that none of it made sense. Didn’t matter that I was probably pretty crazy, or that I’m probably crazy now. It doesn’t make sense to be sane in an insane situation. So I suppose that’s what you’d call adapting. 

N: It all got familiar. Comfortable. 

N: Everything is changing again. I can’t stop it. I’m scared. That’s the truth too. I’m scared absolutely shitless. Nothing I’ve gone through before now is making that any better. 

N: But if it’s changing… that means there are possibilities. That means things might get better after this. Means I might get free. 

N: I want to believe that. 

N: I don’t think I can. 

N: So I’ll hold onto the change part. That’s what I can do. And we’ll just… figure it out from there. 

N: Or it won’t matter anymore. 

(Theme)

Scene 1

 

(The sounds of reality breakage continue, as well as as walking)

N: Ah, shit, I wish it would stop doing that. It’s literally nauseating. Like I’m dizzy, like vertigo. 

N: It’s like being super drunk and super high all at the same time, then multiply that by twenty. Or I’m imagining that’s what it’s like, I’m not exactly speaking from experience. 

N: It’s like… the reset. It’s like the reset, but orders of magnitude worse. Like the reset was a tiny taste of this. 

N: If this really is the center of everything… that would make sense, wouldn’t it? 

 

N: There’s the doors. Or what used to be the doors, now it’s pretty much a blackened hole.    A blackened hole with… it’s not black. It is, but there’s… there’s something wrong with it. Even with everything else wrong. There’s something really, really fucking wrong with it. 

N: Okay, just… wait for it to stabilize. Just for a sec. if it does. 

N: I don’t want to do this. 

N: It’s all different now. 

N: I want… I want to go back to the way things were. I want to go back to when it didn’t matter. 

N: I can’t. I can’t go back. That’s the thing. You can’t ever go back. 

(Sounds subside just a bit)

N: Okay. Okay. (Gasp) Okay. 

N: It’s… it’s not the same in here. It’s like it’s… calmer. Only it’s not. I don’t know how to explain it, but it’s like… I can sense that under the surface of everything, it’s way worse. It’s like deep black water. 

N: Even though it looks like it used to be this… boring regular lobby. Nothing about it screaming “secret mad science research facility”. 

N: There’s also no bodies. Not that I can see. Just these…

N: Smudges. On the floor. On the walls. 

N: It’s like pictures of Hiroshima after the blast. That’s what it is. Like people just… burned. 

N: Jesus fucking Christ, what did you all do? What did you think would happen? Why did you think it would be worth it? 

N: Were you even trying to accomplish anything? Or was this one of those situations where it’s like… we can do it, so why not? Why not fuck around and find out? 

N: You fucked around and you found out. You stupid fucking assholes. 

(Speakers crackle. When V speaks he sounds different somehow, clearer and less processed) 

V: We thought we could find a new energy source. Among many other things. You have to understand, the possibilities, if it worked… they were endless. It could have been revolutionary in the best possible way. 

N: (cold laugh) Could have been. 

V: We were wrong. I’m not trying to defend anything, I’m just trying to help you understand. 

N: I don’t need to understand. I don’t care. I care about fixing it. 

V: Then you won’t do whatever your wife told you to do. 

(Long silence, then N starts to laugh. It’s a crazed laugh and it goes on for a while)

N: You know, I would really love it if you could both stop using me as a fucking ping pong ball and just go at each other directly. Leave me out of it. 

V: I would give anything for that to be possible. I never wanted to get you involved at all. Neither did she, for what it’s worth. I think she just didn’t care much either way. Or she cared about those possibilities more. The advancement. The power. Her power. Now she’s too scared to face what she really has to do. 

N: Which, for the sake of morbid curiosity, is what exactly? 

V: Reactivate the whole thing. Switch it back on. That’s what I brought you here to do.

(Long pause)

N: …Isn’t it active now? Isn’t that why all this is happening?

V: Not quite. It’s not totally deactivated but it’s also not functioning. It’s in a kind of… holding pattern, I guess you might say. It’s cycling, over and over. 

N: Is that why things here keep resetting? 

V: Partly. Maybe. I don’t understand all of it, but that would make sense. But it’s starting to break down. Think of a top, how you start spinning it and it holds steady but then gradually it starts to wobble. Finally it unbalances and stops. That’s what’s happening now.

N: She wants me to stop it. 

V: I know. Or I figured. But that’ll only accelerate the destruction, spin it into something… I don’t even know what’ll happen. I just know it’ll be bad. Everything will almost certainly break down even worse than it is now, maybe so badly that…

N: So badly that what?

V: Really, really badly. Let’s just go with that. 

N: She says I can’t trust you. You say I can’t trust her. (Pause) Honestly? I don’t fucking trust either of you. Like the urge to just walk out of here is pretty goddamn strong. 

V: But you—

N: But one thing I do believe is that if I do that, I’m dead. Somehow. And the thing is, I actually don’t want to die. 

N: I’m tired of dying. I’m tired of being dead. 

N: So tell me what you want me to do, and I guess we’ll see what happens. 

(Silence)

N: Well?

V: You’re… I just want to say that I think you’re very brave. 

N: (bitter laugh) Fuck you. I just want this to be done. So tell me.

V: You’re going to be going to the core. I’m guessing she told you that already. Or if she didn’t, she will the next time she contacts you to give you instructions. She’s going to have you start the self-destruct sequence. But you can also kick on the generators and restore the facility—or the parts of it that matter, anyway—to full power. Take it off standby. That’s what I need you to do. That’s all I need you to do. The rest should happen on its own. 

N: So what, I get there and there’ll be this terminal with a green button and a red button reading TURN ON and BLOW UP?

V: (laughs) Not quite that simple, no. But there’ll be a prompt, asking you if you want to come out of standby mode. Self-destruct is a bit more complicated. You actually have to do less if you do it my way. You know, if that makes a difference to you. 

N: It doesn’t. 

V: No, I was mostly kidding. 

N: It wasn’t funny. 

V: (sigh) You’ll need an access code. It’s—

N: I’ve got it, she told me already. 

V: (quietly) Of course she did. Alright, then. You have everything you should need.

N: How do I get there?

V: It’s fairly straightforward. Go to level minus-three. The lift won’t be operational, you’ll have to take the fire stairs. Enter five-nine-six-four-one-three-pound on the keypad. You’ll see it.

N: Like you said. Straightforward. 

V: Once everything is up and running, it should trap… them. Shunt them into their own… shard, bubble, pocket, whatever term you want. (Pause) It’ll likely trap me too, is the thing. But I don’t know. Maybe I deserve it. 

N: Oh, you definitely do. And it won’t trap me?

V: It… shouldn’t. (Sounding maybe a tiny bit too confident) The shard you’re stuck on, its walls are, uh, thinner. If they rupture it should throw you back into everything as it comes back together. 

N: I see. 

V: Go. I’m depending on you. We all are. Don’t let us down. (Pause) Please.

(Speaker cuts off)

N: (laugh) Please. 

(Walking, sound of code being keyed in, door opening, moving down stairs)

N: It’s so… This place is different. I can’t even say exactly what it is. It’s like it’s… more real, somehow. It’s like it’s more there. The walls… 

N: And I feel less real. 

N: Feel like I don’t belong here. 

N: It also feels like I’ve been here before, doesn’t it? In a place just like this, going down to some sort of… final confrontation. Which would mean that any moment I should expect to hear from—

E: (sounding as if it’s doing from the speakers and also from everywhere at once) what do you think you’re doing

(Pause)

N: (Laugh) Good lord, my life is a fucking cliché.

E: answer

N: I… You know what, to be honest I’m still not even sure.

E: how is that possible. how can you not know

N: Have you been paying attention? How can you ask me that question? I’m either turning this place on or I’m blowing it the fuck up, that’s about all I can say at this point. 

E: do you believe those are your only two possible choices 

N: I dunno, you got anything else in mind?

E: yes

E: you can do neither thing. you can do nothing. you can walk away

N: …And why would I do that?

E: because either or both choice could mean disaster for you. for everyone

N: Worse than what's already happened?

E: much worse

N: Is that a threat?

E: we do not threaten. we simply act as we must

N: I’ve been given to understand that you’ve killed a lot of people. Are you saying that’s not true?

E: we… are not certain of what you mean

N: In the world I’ve been blipping in and out of? All the bodies? The dead fucking bodies? 

N: …Do you even know what death means? Do you understand what you did? How much do you understand? 

N: Are you just as lost as I am?

E: we understand that what you do next may be a terrible mistake

N: How do you know that?

E: we cannot explain

N: Which choice is a mistake? Which one, which one should I do?

E: we do not know

N: Are you fucking kidding?

E: we know that you can avoid making that mistake. you can go. you can leave

(long pause)

N: (very softly) I can’t. (Louder) I can’t do that. I can’t go back out there. I can’t keep just… letting it all happen. Over and over. I can’t. I can’t do nothing when I could do something. (Pause) Even if it’s a mistake. 

(Sound of code keying in, doors opening)

(Walking)

N: I’m at the center now. Or close to it. I can feel it. See it. Light coming from everywhere and nowhere. Everything is thin and hard-lined. …shadows, lining the walls. Like an honor guard. Maybe ghosts. But there’s no such thing as ghosts. There’s just the past and the present and the future, all collapsing together. 

N: We didn’t know it was all this fragile. How could we have known?

N: If we had known, would it have made a difference? 

N: But it’s also just a hall. Just a normal hall with double doors at the end. Could be anywhere. Could lead to anything. 

N: It’s leading to something. 

(Sound of something crackling—speakers, phone, the air itself)

N: (whispering, walking) Trust. That’s the thing, isn’t it? That’s what it all comes down to, in the end. Who do you trust. What do you trust. After all this—

(Sound of something fundamental in the world breaking)

N: (laugh) Oh. The doors are gone. That’s nice, I was wondering how I was going to get in. 

(More walking, sound of voices struggling to break through)

N: After all this… (sound of typing) 

N: After all this, I don’t trust anything. 

N: And I sure as shit do not trust her.  

(keyboard hit with great finality)

(The sound of everything winding up, crescendoing, and going in every meaningful way to pieces)

Scene 2

 

(The sound of birdsong, wind in the trees. Rustling in the grass. The sniffing of a dog, licking. N stirs, groans, screams. The dog backs off, barks and whines.)

N: I… holy shit. Holy SHIT.

N: No—no, no, come here. C’mere, it’s okay.

(The dog comes back, insert appropriate sounds. N is quietly laughing and crying)

N: Am I out? Is that what this is? Am I out of there? Am I dead? For good this time?

N: Does it make a difference?

N: The sun. Oh my god, the sun. 

(N is turning, scrambling to her feet, and her laughter stops dead.)

N: Oh. Oh, no. 

(Crackle, V comes through.)

V: Christ. What do you see?

N: What?

V: (sounding shellshocked and horrified) Tell me what you see.

N: It’s… the facility. I’m outside it. I don’t know how that happened. 

V: Never mind that, tell me what you see at the facility.

(The dog is starting to growl)

N: I… It’s not there. It’s not there anymore. It’s just this… boiling hole. In the air. In everything. They’re…

(Dog starts barking furiously)

N: They’re coming out of it. They’re coming. 

V: Yes. Shit. (Pause) I need you to find me. I’ll tell you how. But first you have to get away from there. You hear me? Get away. Now. 

N: I—

V: RUN.

N: Fuck. 

(Sound of running through woods, panting, dog accompanying. In the distance a horrible sound.)

 

Scene 3

(Night sounds, crickets, etc)

N: It just passed midnight. 

N: Midnight and no reset. 

N: I am out. For whatever that’s worth. I’m out. The only question is what did I get out into. 

N: There’s this… something, on the horizon. I think it’s something bad. At least for now I don’t think it’s getting closer, but.

N: I found a car. Single body. I left the car, couldn’t stay there. Got back into the woods. I found a stream. At least it’s not cold. 

N: I’m hungry. At least I’m not alone. 

N: I suppose I’m going to have to find a name for you, huh, girl. 

N: You’re pretty. You know that? Like some kind of… border collie lab thing. You’re… Come on, you’re probably the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in fucking forever. 

N: Except the sun. 

N: I don’t know what happens now. I don’t know if I can survive this. They said I would make a mistake. Is that what I did? Was it a mistake? 

N: The moon is up and there are stars in the sky and I’ve got a fucking dog, so… maybe it’s selfish but I honestly do not regret it. 

N: I can sleep. For now, that’s what I can do. I can sleep and then tomorrow I’ll figure it out. 

N: And I do trust…

N: I trust the sun will be there. 

N: So there’s that.